the worst

I’ll rob the bank that gave you the impression that money is more fruitful than words,

and I’ll cut holes in the ozone if it means you have one less day of rain.

I’ll walk you to the hospital, I’ll wait in a white room that reeks of hand sanitizer and latex for the results from the MRI scan that tries to locate the malady that keeps your mind guessing,

and I want to write you a poem every day until my hand breaks and assure you that you’ll find your place,

it’s just the world has a funny way of hiding spots fertile enough for bodies like yours to grow roots.

and I miss you like a dart hits the iris of a bull’s-eye,

or a train ticket screams 4:30 at 4:47,

I wanted to tell you that for my birthday I would have wanted you to give me the gift of your guts on the floor, one last time, to see if you still had it in you.

I hope our ghosts aren’t eating you alive. If I’m to speak for myself,

I’ll tell you that the universe is twice as big as we think it is and you’re the only one that made that idea less devastating

instructions for a bad day

- taken from the ocean

there will be bad days

be calm

let go of everything out of your control

give it to the waves

be gracious

no one can tell which way is up when they’re drowining

accept every hand offered to pull you back from down under

be wise

know that even on the darkest nights

the light you need will always be there

be honest

the ocean has never hid how it felt

no matter how many ships it sank

tell them when they ask about the storms inside of you

be relentless

no matter how jagged the rocks are

the waves never stop crashing over them

don’t let anything stop you

there will be bad days

if today is as worse as it gets

tomorrow has to be better

i was jealous of your tattoos because i knew they’d stay longer than i would

i wrote a poem every time you smiled at me anyway

i remember when i knew that you’d be leaving how i barely kept up breathing

i wept in fits and i’ve hated you ever since

i’ve still been waiting for you everyday since you’ve been gone

the worst part wasn’t losing you it was the revelation that never came

i knew you were a firework that you burn bright and you burn brilliant and you burn out fast

i should’ve listened when they told me not to play with fire